My word for the year ahead is… “MESSY”.
No, I’m not hoping to become a messy eater, to have a messiER teacher desk in my classroom, or find the messiest ways to cook dinner. (Although I have it on good authority that the best cooks make the biggest messes!). Rather, I feel like God is encouraging me to let go of my control in some areas of my life, even in ways that mean things might get a little, well, messy.
Messy like being a little kid who is playing and enjoying myself, instead of hoping I can make all the details fit on a color-coded excel spreadsheet plan for my life. Messy like popping balloons with kids and sharing stories I hope they’ll like while we pray for people in Tanzania they’ve never met. Or bouncing around like a crazy person for a worship song dance party with the girls down the street as we make pancakes. Or making decisions on the fly as I travel across the country in a car.
Messy in terms of being ok with letting my guard down, not worrying so much about how people perceive me, and trusting God to help me just be myself in the midst of daily life. Messy like working through tough times and letting things be “strewn all over the place” in my life for awhile, instead of constantly trying to “clean up” the messy pieces, make firm plans, and ensure everything is pretty and proper. Messy in terms of not being sure of how to share my passions and dreams and heart for teaching MKs, but choosing to do it anyway. Messy like getting to a new place to visit with people, and having all my plans fall apart… and having to trust that God has a plan for it all even though I wonder why I’m there.
Messy in not knowing what the future holds (did I mention that already?). And trusting that God is in control even when it looks... messy.
And I’m learning to be ok with that.